Beauty Reminds Me of a Vast Space by Silver

Blog Name: REFLECTIONS

Description:"... See there's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me."

Subject: The Vast Space You Left Behind
Date: July 8, 2009

I live in a place surrounded by immense beauty. I do not mean in material but only defined by what I perceive with the eyes of my heart.

The most romantic note I have ever read on the blogosphere. A real love story beyond compare!

I always cherish reading the words emanating from your ever loving heart Silver. So expressive, so touching, so alive!

You make your readers dance with you in your dreams, emote them into your sorrow, embrace you to comfort into your melancholic wisdom.

Your ways and thoughts are compellingly charming. You made us love you in your wishes if only WE could bring back Ben to YOU, back to your life again and return those lost precious smiles in your beautiful face, and restore the vitality of your being.

If only ....

But you have the Strength, the Fortitude ... to continue the journey... because you may be physically alone, but Ben's Love Will Go On in your life. It is permanently etched and embedded in your heart.

Go on Silver!

Silvery Thoughts
Date: May 28, 2009
Subject: Let Me Live if I Cannot Die

The last thing I would want is to ruin his brilliant and invaluable contributions to the Industry he was in for the last two decades.

I was his strongest supporter and fan when he was alive. I just couldn’t risk being the one to discredit him for any mistakes I may make for my own even after he is gone. Not after all he has done for me. Especially not for a Company he has been proud to be allied with and one that has been good to us over the years.

These lines are powerful. Your proven IMPETUS that YOU can DO it. Gee! This part is too touching.

I had been there Silver. I had been there.

Guess what? My GP never prescribed me any Anti-Depressant. I asked him, "why?" He asked me back, "do you think and do you really feel you need it?" Such a rhetoric.

I felt he tested my knowledge of that area, I felt he measured my thoughts. Then he scribbled me an RX.

I went to the Pharmacy, they call here Chemist. When I went home, I looked over the bottle, I read the label, the contents.... hold it round and round and round and opened it. I took one pill.

Then I was awoken from a nightmare. Something shook me hard, painful tremor.

I put the pill back inside the bottle. Toss it again round and round and round and shot it to the basket as if I was playing a basketball.

I remember my angelic Clinical Pharmacy Professor's word: "One pill from one adverse effect to another."

I said to myself, "what's the point?"

Silver, you are being guided by an INNER FORCE. Yes, you cannot afford to mess up the name YOUR dear husband uphold.

With much affection from Down Under. BB or is it LCD?

**********

Subject: a grief writer, perhaps?

A friend asked me today why i have not updated my blogs for a while. I wasn't sure if he would want to hear the truth.. so i gave a safe answer. "Could be my new job.. could be that inspiration to write just isn't kicking.."

Dearest Silver,

For a matter of short duration of time, since I started reading your thoughts expressed out in the open via the channel of blogs, I can sincerely empathized over the loss you are enduring at the present time. Please don't feel ashamed of what you are going through now, don't feel guilty about the pain inflicted on you over the loss of your loved ones. It's YOU Silver, none other.

Yes, I agree, we need comfort, we need assurance, we need strengthening to fortify our inner anxieties. While Scriptural Inspirations help, please be reminded that the same Scriptural Source also tells us that There is a Season for Everything: A time to love, a time to hate, a time to be happy, a time to mourn, etc. And you know for certain where to find that specific scripture.

King David is One of God's anointed. He could be spared from all human emotional dilemma that you and I and everybody else experience. He too went through that stage. So don't be... You are Silver and you are you. Your emotional, spiritual, intellectual and physical psyche are all yours.

So please don't be afraid to CRY OUT if you must. When Moses died, his people mourned for how many days? When King David's first born died, he too mourned.

Mourning, personally to me is kind of cleansing. Getting rid of those traumatic negative emotions that cannot be eradicated overnight. It's not a tissue that once wet, it will be discarded to a waste basket. Sorry for being philosophical, but am right down practical.

Sometimes, isolation is necessary. You are an intelligent woman, however, you are very much a human being possessed with your own emotional frailness.

When all subsides, when hibernation ends, when winter is finished, it will be spring again and the sunshine will rise brightly on your East again. And blooms of hope will arise to a new dawn.

There is always something special in stored for you.

As Tanya said, "everyone grieves differently". Then grieve if you must no matter how long. The Lord will give you REST.

I lost my parents one year after the other. I lost my father to sickness and I lost my mother to a vehicular tragedy. I lost my marriage to greediness. I may not be able to really had had a chance to grieve like you do, but I did grieve within.

Thankfully, I have children to divert my energy from feeling down and low to feeling high up and running. My life was kind of "the show must go on." Mainly because there was no other option left for me. This story of endurance is summed up in my poem Sentimental Journey. Grieve if you must. If that is what your soul requires. God will not forsake and leave you. He will give you Strength and He will be the one to tell you, "well, Silver, time is up. That's enough grieving now. I want you to look up the sky and see the Rainbow I have created for you. Will you smile for Me?"

How's that sounds?

Love and hugs from down under

**********

Wednesday, December 3, 2008
*Have you ever felt like dying when you lost someone you loved?

All the things which at one time seemed important doesn’t matter anymore. You will feel like dying because the days ahead seemed like a long road that is simply too unfamiliar, intimidating and not something you believe you can manage alone for the rest of your own journey. If only a flight ticket is all it takes to find him in any corner of this world, there would have been something that which you could do!

"Death is like a thief in the night"...we cannot calculate or estimate when it is coming.

When it comes, it comes at a time when no one knows. At what circumstance. In what condition.

God bless your strength Silver. This makes my heart tight.

How many deaths in my family did I survive? Two tragic ones. My uncle and my dear mother (Mother); my father, our eldest brother, close relatives that I did not even get a chance to say farewell while they were still alive.

With my own, I had no time to mourn, to lament, to grieve...

I was kind of emotionally embalmed because I was the next decision-maker in the family. I had to make decisions of what to do to give my parents decent and dignified burials.

After that, I had to face life squarely and alone ... what to do with my two younger sisters who became my responsibilities.

I was hard on the outside, but crumbled in the inside.

At the death of my marriage, I still got no chance mourning over it because I have two children who were very little at that time, to look after.

Oh boy, I really did not how I did it! All I can say is "without my faith in God, maybe, maybe ... I don't know....

So I diverted my energy to this one Mother and Motherhood

I hope time and outlook help improve your situation now.

Your boys and my girls are God send so that you and I will continue to fulfill the purpose, the task given to us for as long as we live.

Praying for your strength Silver.

**********

Saturday, May 9, 2009
LETTERS

“..i want to live through to the ripe old age with you. Don’t really know what to do if I have to go through life without you. I would very much like to bring our 30 grand-children, 90 great-grandchildren, and 270 great-great grandchildren, together with the prettiest and cutest great-great grandmother to K.F.C. during every school holidays. I think 30 grandchildren is about the most we can handle, right ?

Pretty touching and a beautiful love story.

However hard, learn to LET GO. You will be helping yourself. His spirit was already taken back by the owner, our Maker. I believe in the Resurrection of the Dead when the literal second coming of Christ will come. He will Judge the living and the dead. Be hopeful that yours will be called again to live ETERNALLY with you.

Hope you will regain the strength and courage you once had with him. I love your dreams together. Sounds ideal to me.

Thanks for visiting my Random Thought blog. Much appreciated.

********

Sunday, May 3, 2009
The English Language

Anyway, fortunately for us, my dad had spent a short time in London back in the late 50s. That set the influence that had upon him. So even though it was unusual for a Chinese family to communicate in English back then where life was hard for new migrants, but we did converse in English at home which gave us a good base for the language.

You know, since I joined memes, I rarely read real blog like yours. This is so entertaining and I can personally relate to your personal story.

Yes, this is an internet. But I suppose, with mine, as to what I cannot find in the real world in terms of friends (not that I have none), in the real world, nobody really know the real me except for a handful.

As to what I write in my blog, I learned the hard way of adopting the "who cares" syndrome. For as long as there are no other destructive info I divulge like bank accounts or credit cards, I couldn't care less.

No, am not ashamed to reveal where I come from. My parents and I communicated in English. This doesn't mean that we didn't talk our language because we did.

Why past tense? Both my parents were long gone before I left my country.

My children who are both grown up now do not mind my pastime, blogging. You can see that I have too many.

What they are skeptical about is that I would be talking to strange MEN over the internet. They are both overprotective towards me. We are swapping roles now.

How can that be? Anyway, personally, I can't be bothered socializing. Too lazy to do that. But maybe one day, I will, who knows. But someone has to grab me out of my cave.

Anyway, your boys sound protective and very loving. It's good to have little detectives though.

At the end of the day, you still have boys to talk to. It's not the same with cats.

Cheers!